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Funny (suicidal) behaviour of pilots and captains....

Featured Replies

I still play HC Gold and most of you will know this version, but maybe the funny things arent in the newest versions...........

 

a) Sir, if we continue on this course we will run aground!
Damn you, we have orders to stay on this course and so we will
But.......
No further discussion of orders from highest commands

10 Mins later.....

 

BOOOOOOM

 

Sir, we have run aground

Yes?
20% damage.....

Oh thats ok only 1 month in the dockyard...

 

B) Damn, those SU27 are shooting missiles at us, lets run away asap
afterburner on and runs away from missiles

Whow that was close but we evaded them....

Well we can go back to normal cruise speed then, cause our fuel is quite low...

What? Has anyone from above given that order???

No, but..........
Without order we stay on this course and speed!
Ok, but........

 

20 Mins later

John, we really need to save fuel now, on this setting we run out soon
Mike, NO ONE has ordered us to do so, or has anyone???
No, but.............

5 Mins later

 

BOOOOOM

 

c) We need to catch those ASW heli over there !
Mikael, are you sure thats not too far away ?
Alexey, you dont want to question the superior range of our glorious communist built planes?
Of course not, but............

Theres no but, orders are orders......

 

10 mins. later

Mikael, you know the imperialists have Patriot missiles in this area we are going to fly over?
Of course I know, do you think I am stupid ?
No, of course not, but...
What but?
Well if we are going the 200 miles direction northsea to catch that heli, we need to fly directly over the missile bases......also there are severall Tornados on the radar which might be a) a more worthy target and B) they are closer and c) they have AA missiles and even might be a danger to us

I know this I said I am NOT stupid...but we have orders to catch that heli

 

10 mins later....

 

BOOOOM

 

Alexey is hit by a Patriot it seems..........
Mh, his Su27 is burning but he could save himself, so no problem here....so I can now shoot this heli over there alone for my glory.!!!!

5 Mins later....

BOOOOM

Col. Gregory: I report our flight of 2 SU27s disappeared.
Well, they had the order to catch that heli over the sea..... did they?
No, it seems 1 Su was shot down by a Patriot missile the other by a Tornado, what a shame our planes should out manouvre a Tornado which has only short range missiles...
Ah, no comrade that was perfectly ok, they had order to shoot that heli and nothing more.... so send another patrol to finally get rid of it....
But, comrade colonel.............
There is no "but" in the soviet army......send them hurry up !!
But we should order another course, to avoid the Patriots!
COMRADE: One more insubordination and I´ll tell the comissar same course and speed of course.

 

 

d) Herr Kaleunt, we need to go to shallow depth....
Why, Schmidt? You know there are severall Russian frigates over there as well air patrols?
Sure I know, Herr Kaleunt, but the sea bottom gets shallow here so we cant stay on intermediate depth

What a pity Schmidt, this ***in baltic area is just to shallow... but our boats are built just for that iirc... didnt the navy say we only need these tiny boats where you cant get a proper sleep cause there is no room on these vessels....I want to go back to my destroyer....

Mh, yes but that is how it is......what are your orders ?
Nothing man ! We wait for order from the Marinestab!
But..........

5 mins later........

BOOOM

 

Schmidt !!! What was that noise???
Seems we have hit the bottom !
Well, we Stab hasnt given any order what to do.... I need to decide myself what to do now *panics*
No problem, Kaleunt, no damage shall we no go to shallow depth?
NO Schmidt we go to periscope depth, certain is certain. Also that noise is really annoying whemn we hit the ground. I want to avoid that, it hurts my ears........
But Kaleunt, you know that the periscope can be detected by the frigates over there, as well the IL38 Mays that are patrolling here?
Schmidt, no I dont know that, cause I only know how to cook meals on a destroyer, but these are my orders!
*sighs* ok.

5 mins later.

BOOOOM

Schmidt!!! I want to sleep - again such noise, I ordered periscope depth we can not hit the bottom again!

KAPT we are sinking a torpedo hit us, they detected our periscope and launched 4 fish at us !!! We should have gone to shallow depth only.....
Ah right. Well lets leave the boat..... I hope the Russians pick me up and stuck me in a quiet cell, where I can get a good sleep finally

 

:D:wub:

  • Author

e) Hey ! See all those helos ! Do you want to launch missiles at them ?

NO !

1 Min later

Hey ! See all those helos ! Do you want to launch missiles at them ?

I already said NO


1 Min later

Hey ! See all those helos ! Do you want to launch missiles at them ?

SHUT THE *** UP !!!! I I already said twice that I dont want to lauch anything at them............

 

 

1 Min later

 

Hey ! See all those helos ! Do you want to launch missiles at them ?

BOOOOOM

(Pilot used pistol to shoot copilot)

I hope your now QUIET at last............

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