The only thing for sure that works for me is to split your SEAD shooters into two groups and manually launch your HARMS from as close as you can. Try to come at a 90 degree axis to each other. Also, write down the numbers of each unit being attacked so you can be selective. With HARM your missile shooters will only launch at the radiating units, so if one gets its radars taken out you can forget about it. Same works with your ASuW attacks, come in at 90 degrees from each other (say 5 AC coming from 180 and 5 coming in from 270). This will tend to reduce killing the same ship several times and also gives you a better chance at the HVU which are usually to the rear of the formation.
Byron